Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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