my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
