I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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