I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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