turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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