My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
