FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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