he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
