All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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