The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
