even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
