My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
