My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
