at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
