i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Green mimosas i think yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
