Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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