you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
