Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
