so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
