You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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