He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
