i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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