Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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