But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
