some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
