I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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