I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
