tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
