I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
