Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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