I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
