No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize