I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
