1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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