so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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