new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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