And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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