well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
