Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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