Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
