Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
