Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize