Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
