I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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