the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
