i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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