There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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