this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
