but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
