how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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