I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
