Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
