It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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