This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
