Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
