Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize