So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
