I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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