the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
