the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
