dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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