my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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