I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
