did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
