all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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