I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
