Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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