I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize