i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
