I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
