My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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