i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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