i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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