why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
