he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
