those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize