We need to rekindle our bromance
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
