So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
