The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
